The Art of Conscious Parenting

Nature has so decreed that when a sperm producing male and an ovum producing female come together in a physical sexual act, there are 50% chances of a new life being conceived. This biological process makes parents out of two adults who may or may not be ready for parenthood.

What does it take to be ready for parenthood? Is it enough to be married, be of a certain age, economically independent and physically healthy to become parents? Or is there something more to it?

More often than not, the most ignored factor remains the psychological readiness of the couple; which is the most important factor in parenting a child.

Parenting is the most pleasurable as well as the most challenging job we undertake as human beings, and yet there are no schools, colleges or universities that prepare us for this important assignment. Our parenting skills are learnt from our parents, friends, doctors, neighbours, self-help books and natural instincts. We learn on the job, fumbling and faltering along the way, creating doubts not just in our own minds but also in the minds of our young wards.

There is no doubt that all parents love their children and wish the very best for them. However, most parents remain unhappy or dissatisfied with the outcome of their efforts, which makes it painfully clear that something is lacking in the way we bring up our children; the future generation of this planet.

Choosing to become a parent

Before you decide to bring forth a child into this world, spend some time with the thought of becoming a parent. What do you think are the responsibilities and commitments of being a parent? How do you feel, when you think about these commitments? What emotions come up in you? What feelings come up when you think of your own parents? How do you feel about the parenting that you received? What is your relationship with your parents? What did you enjoy the most about being a child? What didn’t you enjoy about being a child? Do you enjoy spending time with children? What are your assumptions and attitudes about life with children? What ages of children are you most comfortable with? If you are not comfortable with a particular age group, think of your own childhood at that age. Perhaps there is something which needs to be resolved there. What are your fears? How do you cope with stress? Answer these questions truthfully.

Now spend some time with the thought of life without your own children. How does this thought make you feel? Be honest with your feelings and make your decision based upon them. Don’t bring in your logical mind; just listen to your feelings.

Don’t get coerced into parenthood by societal or marital pressures. Parenting isn’t for everyone, so don’t feel guilty if you choose not to become one. Becoming parents and then regretting the decision does great harm, not only to yourself but also to your children. This is one decision you can’t backtrack from; so make the right decision after giving it a due thought. Remember, the child doesn’t ask to be brought into this world. It is your decision.

Responsibility of being a parent

‘Let’s have a baby’, is one statement that changes lives forever. It is one of those huge decisions that changes everything we have hitherto known.

Most people get married whether by choice or by parental decree and get officially ready to start a family by producing children. But more often than not, the most ignored factor remains the psychological readiness of the couple. In fact, it is the most important factor in determining one’s readiness to take on the major responsibility of parenting a child.

Parenting involves the future of our future generations. That is why having children is not just a hobby and should not remain a mere accident. Becoming parents involves a major change in lifestyle and we must be absolutely ready for it.

Our society romanticizes the images of parenthood so much that we set very high expectations from it. It is true that parenting is a lot of fun but it is also a lot of hard work; more work than we can imagine until we become parents ourselves.

Parenting is a lifelong project and if we are not truly prepared for it, it can give us more headaches than joy. Besides the demand on our time, energy, emotions and resources, parenting brings up our own emotional issues squarely in our face, as children end up pushing all our emotional buttons. The mistakes we make as parents affect the ones we love the most; our children.

Most of us have been brought up to expect that one day we will become parents but no one has ever told us how important it is to heal ourselves before bringing in a new life. Unless we heal our own inner wounds, we are not ready to bring forward any children. Before we parent new children, we must parent the child within; because unless we do that, we’ll end up passing on our own insecurities, fears and complexities to our children.

Since parenting is a joint venture, both the partners must be in complete agreement to shoulder this onerous responsibility with joy and honor.