The Joy of Parenting Adolescents

%E2%80%98Parenting%E2%80%99-is+the+most+exhilarating%2C+satisfying+and+challenging+job%2C%0D%0Aespecially+when+we+have+to+parent+%E2%80%98adolescent+children%E2%80%99.%0D%0A%0D%0AAdolescence+appears+at+a+time+when+the+urge+of+life+reaches+its+highest+peak.%0D%0AThe+adolescent%E2%80%99s+life+is%2C+or+ought+to+be%2C+full+of+opportunity+to+enter+into+new%0D%0Alife+experiences%2C+to+explore+new+relationships%2C+to+feel+new+resources+of+inner%0D%0Astrength+and+ability.+Adolescence+is+also+a+time+when+youthful+dreams+of%0D%0Alove+and+power+have+not+yet+been+disturbed+by+the+realities+of+life.+In+many+ways%2C+adolescents+live+in+a+lush+season+between+the+spring+and+the+summer+of+life.%0D%0A%0D%0AAdolescence+is+viewed+as+a+period+of+transition%2C+between+childhood+and+adulthood.+As+parents%2C+our+challenge+is+to+ensure+that+they+make+this+transition+with+ease.+The+problem+with+us+parents+is+that+we+are+all+%E2%d����������������99.+There+are+no+%E2%80%98professional%E2%80%99+parents+because+parenting+is+not+taught+in+colleges+or+universities.+We+learn+parenting+by+instinct+and+develop+our+individual+parenting+styles.+However%2C+the+basic+ingredients+of+good+parenting+remain+universal%21+These+are%2C+love%2C+time+and+understanding.+Give+these+in+ample+doses+and+you+can+never+go+wrong.%0D%0A%0D%0AAdolescents+compound+our+parenting+woes+by+being+rebellious+and+non-conformist.+They+display+a+%E2%80%98couldn%E2%80%99t-care-+less%E2%80%99+attitude.+We+feel+that+our+advice+is+falling+on+deaf+ears.+They+laugh+at+our+concerns+and+make+fun+of+our+old+ancient+values.+To+top+it+all%2C+there+is+this+societal+pressure.+If+our+adolescent+has+not+done+well+in+board+exams%2C+if+he+has+not+cleared+the+competitive+exams%2C+if+we+can%E2%80%99t+proudly+announce+that+our+child+has+got+into+%E2%80%98so+and+so%E2%80%99+college%2C+we+feel+inadequate+as+a+parent.+We+take+it+as+our+personal+failure+%28most+of+the+times+we+blame+the+transferable+job+that+we+are+in%29%2C+but+our+adolescents+seem+least+bothered.%0D%0A%0D%0ADon%E2%80%99t+get+fooled+by+their+outward+behaviour.+Inside+them%2C+they+are+as+bothered+about+their+future+as+we+are%2C+perhaps+more%3B+after+all+it+is+their+life.+They+have+their+hidden+fears+and+anxieties%2C+which+they+express+in+anger+or+by+clamming+up.+They+feel+misunderstood.+After+all+they+are+dealing+with+their+own+demons.+To+be+accept����������������ans+a+lot+to+them.+If+they+have+a+poor+body+image+or+any+other+perceived+inadequacy%2C+it+can+play+havoc+with+their+mental+peace.+They+encounter+enough+pressures+in+their+own+little+worlds.%0D%0A%0D%0AAll+they+need+from+us+is+%E2%80%98acceptance%E2%80%99.+Accept+them+for+what+they+are.+Assess+their+capabilities+realistically.+Help+them+choose+a+career+path+that+is+commensurate+with+their+interests%2C+capabilities+and+aptitude.+Don%E2%80%99t+force+your+will+upon+them.%0D%0A%0D%0AThere+are+three+basic+parenting+styles%2C+which+most+of+us+follow.%0D%0AAutocratic+parents+believe+that+they+know+what+is+best+for+their+children.+They+tend+to+suppress+their+adolescent%E2%80%99s+feelings.+Their+children+are+less+likely+to+be+self+reliant+and+incapable+of+thinking+and+acting+for+themselves.%0D%0A%0D%0APermissive+parents+can+never+say+%E2%80%98No%E2%80%99+to+their+children.+They+fail+to+provide+the+kind+of+discipline+and+support+adolescents+need.+They+allow+their+children+to+drift%2C+without+offering+them+dependable+models+of+responsible+adult+behaviour.%0D%0A%0D%0AAuthoritative+parents%2C+on+the+other+hand%2C+value+both+autonomy+and+discipline.+They+are+more+likely+to+foster+the+development+of+confidence%2C+responsibility+and+independence.%0D%0A%0D%0ALet%E2%80%99s+see+how+we+%28as+parents+of+adolescent+children%29+can+help+our+wards.+I+think+we+can+do+this+by+--%0D%0AHelping+them+achieve+general+emotional+maturity.+The/����������������s+destructive+expression+of+emotions+must+be+channelised+into+constructive+expressions.+They+should+learn+to+face%2C+and+solve+conflicts.%0D%0A%0D%0AHelping+them+establish+heterosexual+interest+so+that+they+have+normal+and+not+excessive+interest+in+members+of+the+opposite+sex.+They+should+casually+accept+their+sexual+maturity.%0D%0AHelping+them+achieve+general+social+maturity.+They+should+have+social+poise%3B+develop+social+tolerance+and+freedom+from+slavish+imitation+of+their+peers.%0D%0A%0D%0AGranting+them+freedom+from+home+control.+They+must+learn+self-control+and+rely+upon+themselves+for+security.+Our+attitude+towards+them+should+be+friendly.%0D%0A%0D%0AHelping+them+develop+intellectual+maturity.+We+should+teach+them+not+to+accept+anything+blindly+on+the+basis+of+authority.+They+should+desire+for+explanations+of+facts.+They+should+move+away+from+many+temporary+interests%2C+and+have+a+few%2C+stable+interests.%0D%0A%0D%0AHelping+them+develop+a+hobby.+Adolescents+should+develop+interest+in+team+games+and+intellectual+contests.%0D%0A%0D%0AHelping+them+select+an+occupation.+Young+people+are+generally+interested+in+glamorous+occupations.+Parents+have+to+help+them+focus+on+practicable+occupations.+They+should+preferably+focus+on+one+occupation.+They+should+be+able+to+undertake+reasonably+accurate+estimate+of+their+abilities+and+reconcile+their+interests+with+their+abilities.%0D%0A%0D%0ATeaching+them+the+philosopi����������������nts+should+not+base+their+behaviour+upon+gaining+pleasure+and+avoiding+pain.+They+must+develop+a+sense+of+duty.%0D%0A%0D%0AHelping+them+in+identification+of+self.+Youngsters+should+have+moderately+accurate+perception+of+themselves.+They+must+have+a+good+idea+about+other+people%E2%80%99s+perception+of+them+as+well.+They+should+identify+themselves+with+achievable+goals.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe+most+important+thing+we+parents+need+to+understand+is+that+we+should+be+good+%E2%80%98role+models%E2%80%99+for+them.+We+need+to+%E2%80%98walk+the+talk%E2%80%99.+Confucius+spoke+for+our+youngsters+when+he+said%2C+%E2%80%98Tell+me+and+I+will+forget.+Show+me+and+I+will+remember.+Involve+me+and+I+will+understand.%E2%80%99%0D%0A%0D%0AIf+our+role+as+parents+is+clear+to+us%2C+we+can+never+go+wrong+in+guiding+our+adolescents.%0D%0A%0D%0AYes%2C+parenting+is+an+arduous+task%2C+and+parenting+teenagers+more+so.+But+I+believe+that+if+we+love+our+role+as+a+parent+and+enjoy+%E2%80%98each+stage%E2%80%99+of+our+children%E2%80%99s+growth+and+development%2C+these+adolescent+years+will+be+a+pleasure+for+both+us%2C+and+our+wards.%0D%0A%0D%0AKahlil+Gibran+has+said+in+%E2%80%98The+Prophet%E2%80%99%0D%0A%E2%80%9CYour+children+are+not+your+children.%0D%0AThey+are+sons+and+daughters+of+life%E2%80%99s+longing+for+itself.%0D%0AThey+come+through+you+but+not+from+you%2C%0D%0AAnd+though+they+are+with+you+yet+they+belong+not+to+you.%0D%0AYou+may+give+them+your+lc����������������ughts.%0D%0AFor+they+have+their+own+thoughts.%0D%0AYou+may+house+their+bodies+but+not+their+souls%2C%0D%0AFor+their+souls+dwell+in+the+house+of+tomorrow%2C%0D%0Awhich+you+cannot+visit%2C+not+even+in+your+dreams%21%0D%0AYou+may+strive+to+be+like+them%2C+but+seek+not+to+make+them+like+you.%0D%0AFor+life+goes+not+backward%2C+not+tarries+with+yesterday.%0D%0AYou+are+the+bows+from+which+your+children+as+living+arrows+are+sent+forth.%0D%0AThe+archer+sees+the+mark+upon+the+path+of+infinite%2C%0D%0Aand+he+bends+you+with+his+might.%0D%0AThat+his+arrows+may+go+swift+and+far%21%0D%0ALet+your+bending+in+the+Archer%E2%80%99s+hand+be+for+gladness%3B%0D%0AFor+even+as+He+loves+the+arrow+that+flies%2C%0D%0Aso+He+loves+also+the+bow+that+is+stable.%0D%0A