Let Each One Be!

How far can we go in pursuit of excellence?

Each one of us wants to excel in all our endeavors. A very noble thought indeed! We must excel, but is it possible to excel in everything that we do, in all spheres of activity, across the spectrum of life? Each one of us is a unique being, who has brought a unique gift to this world. We need to unwrap that gift and offer it for the evolution of our beautiful planet. In theory all of us agree with this view point. We are reasonable people after all. When it comes to success in our own lives and careers, (knowing fully well that we are no where near excelling in most areas), we stay ready with all kinds of explanations regarding why we are where we are and how we are. (Blame our parents, teachers, schools, colleges, system, environment, boss--- there are plenty of scapegoats!)

However, when it comes to our children, we are convinced that they are very bright but not striving hard enough to achieve their full potential. Their potential is defined by us as above 90% marks and a seat in some prestigious Engineering or Medical college. We are also very convinced that we cannot do much about our own careers now, so let us concentrate on our children’s careers. (We owe it to them!) We grin like Cheshire cats when our children prove themselves (with some help from us of course!) and bask in the reflected glory of our progeny’s success. (After all we gave birth to a genius!) We become the local celebrities in the eyes of parents who are still struggling with their child’s ‘potential’. We offer advice to all and sundry, becoming a know-all, done- that, been -there variety. Our life seems to be fulfilled. We can now sit back and relax. Our child has joined the rat race and all is well with the world.

How far can we go or should we go in making our children excel in these ‘competitive’ times? The other day I was shocked into numbness after reading the top story of the day in The Times of India. “Spooky Doc Couple Kills Son’ the headline screamed. What was more intriguing was the sub line ‘Believed blood transfusion could make their son brilliant.’ It got my goat. Who in their right minds would believe that? (I forgot that parents intent upon making their children excel are not always in their right minds.) And then these people were doctors. Doctors give life, not take lives, and that too under the influence of medical mis-information. Even an educated lay man knows that there is no connection whatsoever between a blood transfusion and transfer of intelligence. (If this were true, all 90 percenters could make a living by selling their blood drops at a premium!)

I read on, wondering what prompted this couple to believe in such a lie. The ‘bloody’ procedure was recommended by a ‘guru’ who appeared in the mother’s ‘dream’, if you please. (Mother- who is a professor in a prestigious medical college. I shudder to think, what kind of scientific temper does she inculcate in her students?) The enlightened couple was told that if they transfuse their younger (a 12 year old, high performer in academics) son’s blood into their elder son (an 18 year old, average student) he was sure to secure admission in a medical college. I am not too sure if the son wanted to get into the medical college in the first place. Did the parents even try to find out what the boy wanted? Is joining an MBBS course so important, that we are ready to make it a question of life and death? The younger son could have become a doctor, instead of becoming a corpse in the morgue. The elder son could have chosen some other profession, in keeping with his interests and capabilities, instead of becoming an accomplice in murder and being ruined for life. What did the parents get out of this? Loss, grief, shame and misery!

The news made me really sad, but I got thinking, what if by some queer fluke the experiment had succeeded? What would have this couple done then? Proudly recommend the procedure to many more parents like them! We can’t rule that out. If the experiment did not have such tragic consequences, they may have tried some more bizarre recommendations of their ‘guru’. Which century are we living in?

I sincerely hope that this tragedy infuses some sense into the parents of today. My sincere appeal to all parents is - please stop pressurizing your children. Please stop terrorizing your children. Please stop experimenting with your children. Your children are the future of this evolving, ever expanding Universe. Let them evolve. Let them expend. Leave them alone. Your children have a purpose to fulfill. They have their own dreams. Let them dream those dreams in peace. Let them choose their own path.

Remember Kahlil Gibran’s wise words,
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams!
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward, nor tarries with yesterday.’