Nature
has so decreed that when a sperm producing male and an ovum producing female
come together in a physical sexual act, there are 50% chances of a new life
being conceived. This biological process makes parents out of two adults who
may or may not be ready for parenthood.
What
does it take to be ready for parenthood? Is it enough to be married, be of a
certain age, economically independent and physically healthy to become parents?
Or is there something more to it?
More
often than not, the most ignored factor remains the psychological readiness of
the couple; which is the most important factor in parenting a child.
Parenting
is the most pleasurable as well as the most challenging job we undertake as
human beings, and yet there are no schools, colleges or universities that
prepare us for this important assignment. Our parenting skills are learnt from
our parents, friends, doctors, neighbours, self-help books and natural
instincts. We learn on the job, fumbling and faltering along the way, creating
doubts not just in our own minds but also in the minds of our young wards.
There
is no doubt that all parents love their children and wish the very best for
them. However, most parents remain unhappy or dissatisfied with the outcome of
their efforts, which makes it painfully clear that something is lacking in the
way we bring up our children; the future generation of this planet.
Choosing to become a parent
Before
you decide to bring forth a child into this world, spend some time with the
thought of becoming a parent. What do you think are the responsibilities and
commitments of being a parent? How do you feel, when you think about these
commitments? What emotions come up in you? What feelings come up when you think
of your own parents? How do you feel about the parenting that you received?
What is your relationship with your parents? What did you enjoy the most about
being a child? What didn’t you enjoy about being a child? Do you enjoy spending
time with children? What are your assumptions and attitudes about life with
children? What ages of children are you most comfortable with? If you are not
comfortable with a particular age group, think of your own childhood at that
age. Perhaps there is something which needs to be resolved there. What are your
fears? How do you cope with stress? Answer these questions truthfully.
Now
spend some time with the thought of life without your own children. How does
this thought make you feel? Be honest with your feelings and make your decision
based upon them. Don’t bring in your logical mind; just listen to your
feelings.
Don’t
get coerced into parenthood by societal or marital pressures. Parenting isn’t
for everyone, so don’t feel guilty if you choose not to become one. Becoming parents
and then regretting the decision does great harm, not only to yourself but also
to your children. This is one decision you can’t backtrack from; so make the
right decision after giving it a due thought. Remember, the child doesn’t ask
to be brought into this world. It is your decision.
