Your Role as a Parent

Most of us take our role as a parent too seriously. We feel completely responsible for our offspring’s welfare. We feel it is our duty to guide them in all aspects of their lives. After all we are the parents. We know what is best for our children. If we will not guide them, who will? All these arguments are well intentioned and I have no issues with these. But in our desire to do the best for our children, we forget to give them ample doses of love, affection, and understanding. We think that too much love would spoil them. We believe in discipline more than understanding.

In my view, all that we parents ever need to do is to provide generous dollops of love and acceptance. In the absence of a warm and loving atmosphere, no child can ever achieve his/her full potential. Even discipline does not really work in a hostile environment. In my practice as a ‘Life Skills Coach’, I come across individuals with low self esteem, which stems from their childhood. Unless the home atmosphere is warm, caring, safe, protective, and friendly, a child can not be self- confident. And as you well know, self-esteem is the most critical factor in achieving success in life.

When we like ourselves for what we are, we are more likely to work hard and achieve more. Observe your children. Your encouraging, loving words are their biggest motivators. The moment you put them down, their enthusiasm to do anything vanishes in thin air. If your children are not doing well at school, first look at your home environment. Be objective. Ask yourself; are you the cause of their poor self esteem? Most of the times, we unfavourably compare our children to their friends. What do you think it does to their self image? We think that by shaming them, we are motivating them to excel. We couldn’t be more wrong. Apply this rule to yourself. Do you strive to work harder if someone ridicules you? No. You would build up frustration, and anger towards that person. That is exactly what is happening in your home. Pay attention to it and take corrective measures.

My favorite line is a cry from a child, “Mum, love me the most, when I deserve it the least.” This line haunts me. Yes, when we think that our child does not deserve any love because he has been naughty, disobedient, destructive, or a failure; that is when he needs our love the most. Our job at these times is to trust our children and help them discover the talents, abilities, resources, and the personal best that is hidden behind their rough and unappealing exteriors.

We feel let down and disappointed by our children, if they do not tow our line. We label them as ‘difficult’ children. Have you ever wondered if the children feel the same about us as well? Have we ever given unconditional love to our children? Why do we always have to be judgmental at every step? Our parenting years (and our children’s ears!) are full of ‘good boy’, ‘bad boy’, ‘good girl’, and ‘bad girl’ at each step and after each action. Such adjectives confuse children. Their self-worth fluctuates from minute to minute. From praise to disgrace!

Our attention is more focused on the socks left on the floor, unmade beds, badly done homework, bad influence of friends, poor grades, and complaints from the teachers. We do not focus on their good qualities, assets, and strengths, especially when these do not meet with our pre-conceived notions of what is good and what is bad. If we are constantly reminded of our shortcomings, we start believing in them. Our children do the same. By telling them about their strengths, we help them believe in themselves. Their worth increases in their own eyes. They feel capable of making a difference in the world. This empowered attitude leads them to success in whatever field they choose.

So let us get out of our cocooned worlds of expectations and reasoning. Let us pay more attention to playing with our children and understanding them. The time spent together with them is something that we should treasure more than anything else. I believe that our children are our ‘gurus’. There is a lot that we can learn from them. Just observing them is an education by itself.

Are we ready for this new challenge!!!

On the Path

I have been ‘on the path’ (so to say) since my childhood. I remember my mother calling me a ‘lost creature’ who lives in her ‘own world’, and is not aware of what is happening around (the makings of a Sufi?). My father was an atheist, but my mother followed her simple religious rituals. We, as kids, were not asked to follow anything. So we grew up with a rare freedom. (Now I know that I chose such parents and such a home, as an ideal environment for my growth).

While growing up I realized that I loved singing ‘Gurbani’, ‘Shabads’, and ‘Bhajans’ (besides Hindi film songs). I was an avid reader and read all popular books, mainly fiction.

I got married to a person who did not believe in any rituals either. (His family too is very liberal.) However, both of us believed in the concept of a Higher Power. I called it ‘The Nature’. We did nothing about connecting with this power.

I started practicing (and teaching) Yoga, for fitness.

I lived my life like this, very happy and content with my life and my family.

In 1997, I discovered Linda Goodman’s ‘Star Signs’. That was the turning point. One book led to another, and by 1999, I could not read any other kind of books. At present I remain surrounded by books, but they all deal with some or the other aspect of spirituality. Till about 2004, I used to read the complete newspaper. Today I do not even feel like opening it (I only read my own articles in TOI, and sometimes the Speaking Tree, Sacred space, Mind over Matter etc.) Same goes for the magazines. The only magazines I read are Life Positive, Eternal Solutions, Life Times, and White Light etc. All my time is spent in reading and writing. I read many books at a time. Right now I am reading ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle, ‘Tantra Vision: Beyond the barriers of Wisdom’ and ‘Sufis: The people of the Path’ by Osho, ‘The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying’ by Sogyal Rinpoche. I pick up books by intuition. I can not watch television any more. The only information I seek on the Net is something to do with the Path or the Truth.
In 2000, Reiki came into my life along with Meditation.

In 2003, I discovered Sai Baba and understood the phenomenon of ‘cosmic consciousnesses’. What appealed to me was his statement, ‘I am God, and you are also God. The only difference is that I know it, and you don’t’. I am not a typical ‘Baba’ follower, but I see him as ‘pink’ colour in my meditations.

In Dec. 2007, I experienced ‘the flowering of the Soul’ or Enlightenment, during my Past Life Regression Therapist Program.

Today I feel confident enough to proclaim that I am a Light Worker. I am here on the Planet Earth in this time and space, because I chose to be a part of the ‘Shift of the Ages’ that has already started.

I have experienced the ‘oneness’ with the Universe. I look at the World around me as a manifestation of my thoughts, and myself as the Observer. I firmly believe that ‘thoughts are things’. In my meditation I witness them as un-manifested matter.

I feel more loving, peaceful, and abundant. I look at everyone (including myself) as a part of the Whole. I view every thing as an aspect of God. There is nothing else but God.

My relationships have undergone a lot of change. My attachment with my immediate family has decreased. I have loosened control and released my husband and my sons. I have released myself. I feel free. I feel more love for everyone, including animals, trees, plants, minerals, soil, inanimate things etc, without feeling attached in any way. I am more tolerant, even tempered, at peace with the World. I love and appreciate myself whole heartedly. Something I had never done before.

I always wore handloom, so Fab India clothes still remain my favourite.

I am not "obsessed" about my house being spic and span any more. However, I ensure cleanliness and avoid clutter.

I gave up taking allopathic medicine the day I studied Homeopathy. For a time I relied on both Reiki and Homeopathy. Then I started speaking to my cells. Today it is all ‘Consciousness’ healing through meditation, Reiki, Thought therapy, Emotional freedom Technique, and conversing with my cells. I take responsibility for my dis-ease. I don’t look at it as illness any more. I look at it as ‘issues in my tissues’ that need to be resolved. I know that body never ever lies. It heals itself. As a last resort it tries to communicate with me through some symptoms. The moment I assure it that I have taken cognizance of my deviant thoughts, it feels reassured. When I learn my lesson, it comes back to a state of ease.

I also look at the creation (including my body cells) as being ‘Holographic’. A lot of my understanding comes from this concept.

I have not yet been able to answer the question of ‘Right Food’. I feel that each individual must choose their own 'right' food- in partnership with their body......as body never lies!!

I feel very strongly about the damage that we are doing to humanity by our modern ‘Birthing’ process, and the unenlightened way we handle our ‘dying’ process. These are the two areas I feel inclined to work in.